i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
