I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm both gender and math confused
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
