Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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