Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
