okay pat passed out under dana's car
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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