He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
