After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
