if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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