It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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