you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
