Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
