bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
