My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
