I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
