I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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