Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
