I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
