My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
