She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
