I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
