Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
