so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
