come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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