Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
