wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
