I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
