i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
