Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
where are you?
Hypothermia
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
