my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
