I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
