is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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