Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
