it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
