Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
