Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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