it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
