You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
