He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
