1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
