I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
