My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
