O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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