The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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