Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You are the jesus of drinking
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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