What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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