My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
