11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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