I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
