my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
