I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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