he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
