Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
