jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
